bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think your dad took our porno
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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