he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
