He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
