I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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