The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
