dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
