I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
