Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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