just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
