he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Are we still banned from the library?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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