toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
