every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
