Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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