stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
