Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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