Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
