somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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