Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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