it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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