I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
