I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
