If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
