I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
