I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
