He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
