I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
