Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
