My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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