I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We need to rekindle our bromance
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
