No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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