my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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