This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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