you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
