she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
