sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
