I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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