fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
