I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize