I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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