Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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