pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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