Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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