Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
