His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
