my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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