I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
