Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
