I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
