hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
