I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
