Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sarcasm needs its own font
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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