My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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