We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
