so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
