My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
