9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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