I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
