I'm gonna have a badass scar
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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