Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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