Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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