Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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