i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
