apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
