***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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