I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
