If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
