He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize