the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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