Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
