Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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