What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
