my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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