Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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